long time no bloggy blog

it's been a very long time since i've written anything. part of that is my being super busy and part of that is pure laziness. which i am ashamed to admit, but its true. i leave for camp on thursday. i'll be spending my summer up there and i'm really excited. i'm pretty nervous too though. i really want to do a good job, but also be able to have some fun. it's going to require the other cooks to listen to me and take me seriously, which they did not do so well over memorial day family camp. so, pray that things go well.
on another note, i've been struggling with some old memories that are bittersweet for me. they keep coming up in my dreams-of all places. so i wake up and think about them and then think about them more. its kind of annoying. but not worst thing in my life.
all in all, things have been pretty good. i'm struggling with being a good steward of my money. this is something i really need to get better with. especially since i want to go into missions after i graduate. but i think i'm getting a little better.
well, this is all for now. i'll try to update every weekend about how camp is going.

Where do I even begin?

It has been so long since I posted anything. Fail. So, I'm not really sure where to begin. I guess I could just cover the main things that are happening in my life right now.
1. I believe that God is calling me to the missions field in one way or another. I'm not entirely sure how that is going to work out just yet, but God will provide the opportunity if that's His will for my life. I have an idea of what I would like to do someday, but it's gotta be all Him. My idea is that I would like to open a restaurant one day. I would like to use a portion of the proceeds to help support anywhere from 3-5 missionaries. Along with that, I would like to have one dish per missionary that would feature the culture that the missionary is serving in. This idea excites me to no end. Hopefully, I'll be able to make it a reality some day. Also, I've been in contact with a few missions organizations about doing internships with them. I'm very excited about the missions possibility. So excited!!
2. This may not even be relevant anymore, but it's still something big. My friends Shane and Rachel (just about the cutest couple ever, fyi) both play tennis for Penn College and they are going to teach me how to play. Then I'll hopefully go out for the team in the fall. Rachel is also gonna start running with me. I'm really thrilled about the idea of getting into shape and exercising. I'm sure I'll feel so much better about myself.
3. The Mississippi trip that I went on over spring break was probably the best week of my life. I grew so much closer to people I already knew and to some new people. It was awesome. The work was so fulfilling. I really wish I could go back....like right now.
4. GOD IS GREAT!!!! haha...He has just done so much for me over the course of this semester that I can't even relay it all in one blog. It would turn into a book.
So yeah, this is my update. Haha.

it's lame that i haven't written anything in like a month. so i will soon. just not at this very moment. i have lots of homework to do and laundry to fold. but an update is in order.

one crazy weekend

I thought this week/end was going to be fairly routine. A lot has happened since Wednesday night, though. Wednesday night, I went to the women's Bible study, Chance. It was so great! God was speaking to every single girl there, and we knew it. Rachel led the study and her topic was Esther and God's timing and plan for our lives. We read through most of Esther and this one particular verse stood out to me:
Esther 4:14 For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father's house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?
The first part of the verse is important, but it was the second part the really got me. What's happening at this point in the text is Mordecai and Esther are communicating to one another about Haman's plan to have the Jews in all of King Ahasuerus's kingdom destroyed. Mordecai is pleading with Esther to go to the king and beg for their lives. She's is afraid to go to the king though because it is the law that whoever appears before the king without being summoned is to be killed. You can see where her fear is coming from. But then Mordecai tells her that if she doesn't step up, God will appoint someone else to do it, but don't you think this is why God has placed you this position for the purpose of saving your people? What faith Mordecai has in his God!!!! This was so encouraging to me. It also really challenged me. I need to have faith like Mordecai and Esther. Some other things that I got out of the study were these: God is not mentioned once throughout the entire book of Ester. The reader infers God's presence and guidance. This is a story in which Esther completely relies on God's plan for her life. If Mordecai had not uncovered the assassination plot against the king, he would not have gained the king's respect and trust and he would have been killed. The little things like that throughout the book are what proves God's plan, purpose, will and timing in thier (our) lives. So cool!
Okay, then Thursday came and everything was good. Dinner was fun with my CRU friends, then there was CRU which was awesome! The speaker talked about the Church and how we are a part of it and how we can be the church. It was another challenging message. Unfortunately, I didn't take notes. Worship was also really great. There's something about being in a room full of fellow believers who are all just as eager to worship as you. It was so amazing! Then after CRU, we went to Wes and Eric's like usual. There were so many people there, it was ridiculous and fun. I love that time of just hanging out.
Then I came home. This is where my day goes from usual to unusual. I passed the police station and checked my mail. I noticed the officer wasn't in there and jokingly thought to myself, 'I bet their in my room, haha.' I dropped the thought and headed upstairs. I got to my apartment and noticed a bunch of dark figures through the glass wall. I opened the door to discover a 3 or 4 police officers and 2 RAs in my room. My roommates got busted for drinking in the apartment. I was terrified. Thankfully, I didn't get in trouble. My roommates are in trouble though. Although, I don't know how much and to what extent. The cops were in my apartment until 1am. And I didn't sleep until about 2:30am. It was a really long night. I'm hoping everything works out.
Friday night was fun. I made dinner with Sara, Renee, Brad, Big J, and John. It was a lot of fun. We made spaghetti and meatballs. It was nice to just hang out and enjoy good company.
Saturday, I had my first real lab. It was so much fun! It sucked waking up at 6am on a Saturday but lab went so well that I didn't care. Chef Shimp and the lab assissant, Chef George, were really impressed with my work. Everytime Chef George passed my table he would be like, 'You're stuff is so perfect!, It's is so precise!, It looks so good!' That was really encouraging to me and made me want to try my best. I worked so hard all day. After lab, I was exhausted and ended up taking a two and a half hour nap. When I woke up from my nap, I got a shower and headed over to the Suq room to meet up with a bunch of friends for dinner. Then we went to see this magician after dinner, Frank DeVille. It was sick. Like not sick as in cool sick, like gross sick. He wasn't funny. Almost everything he said was an innuendo. He kissed a girl on the stage and had a giant poster of himself half naked with a card in front of him. He also stripped down to his boxers on stage. I was so disturbed by the whole thing. We really regretted going to it afterward. So we made up for it by getting doughnuts from Dunkin Doughnuts and heading to Wes's house to hang out. That was my favorite part of my whole weekend. Christine, Maggie, Danielle and I sat in the computer room and just talked. We talked about how to not be overbearing with our non-believing friends/roommates along with a lot of other things. I'm really happy that I'm getting to know these girls and that I can begin to open up to them and be comfortable around them. It's so encouraging.
Today we had church. I really am enjoying going to Good News Bible Church. Pastor Dan began a series last week on living a High Impact Life. It's really been challenging me. After the service they had a taco lunch. I made cookies this afternoon to take to Response tonight. We talked about sharing our faith tonight. It was so relevant and helpful for my life right now.
I feel so blessed right now. I've been given multiple opportunities to grow as a person and spiritually lately. God has really shown himself to me in countless ways. I'm happy and I'm living. I know that I'm on the right path. God is leading me every step of the way and I'm happy to follow him. There are ups and downs, but God is helping over all the obstacles. I am not alone! He has provided me with some really great friends to help me along the way, whether that's giving me someone to talk to or just showing me a good time. He's been speaking to me through many people and sending me similar messages through all of them. I love it so much!

Conclusion: (if you read the whole thing, you are so wonderful!) I am happy. God is good all the time. He is in control of our lives and he will take care of us!

2 Peter 1:3-4 His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire.

Some thoughts I had while conversing with a friend today...

...I love it. I really do. I love this major. And I'm so happy that I'm in it. I know this is the right choice...And it proved something to me to...That if I just trust God with my decisions, like I did with this one, that He won't lead me astray. And while it may not be the path that I was expecting, it's still the right one. It won't be on my time and the course of the path not be my first choice, but if I just follow Him, it'll turn out better than I could have ever chosen for myself. And I'll be happy at the end of it.

...I noticed that after I left Cedarville, it was like I was in a bubble and I was so used to chapel everyday and filling out spiritual formation reports every week that God became a routine for me and not a relationship. And now that I don't have that, it's beginning to become more of a relationship. And the fellowship that I'm building with my CRU friends is so encouraging because they are there because they WANT to be, not because they have to be. It makes all the differences...feels more genuine.

Week One Completed...Moving on to Week Two

Okay, so my first week is over and I'm starting on week 2. My classes went really well last week and I enjoyed them a lot. Last Sunday night, my roommates finally arrived...they're interesting. I really wanted to move out last week, but I've decided to stay. God put me in this apartment for a reason. If nothing else, it was so I would meet Sarah. My living situation made last week a little difficult. Things are starting to get a lot better though. I went to CRU on Thursday and met some really cool people. I'm really trying to fit in and include myself. I just hope I'm not getting on anyone's nerves. I just want to make some friends so this place doesn't feel so wrong. So I spent the weekend with Sarah and her friends. I had a really good time with them. Saturday night we went to Eric's house. We watched Hotel Rwanda-what an incredibly powerful movie! I was blown away by it. Sunday was difficult for me. I had a hard time finding church that I was really happy with last year. So I was nervous about church on Sunday, but it turned out to be really great! Following church all of the CRU people went to the Suq room for lunch. It was so much fun. Matt began asking me all of these questions because they were trying to get to know. The grilling ceased after the he awkwardly asked me if I was single while Eric was swapping phone numbers with me. Haha. We all had a good laugh. I feel like I might be starting to fit in with them. I spent Sunday afternoon in the library working on homework. Eric picked me up around 6:45 for Response, which is the young adult Bible study at the chruch I went to. The talk was really good and I felt really welcome there. Now it's Monday night. I had one class today, picked up my uniform and etched my knives so no one takes them. Pretty dull day. I have a little more homework to do then I'm going to bed.
Now for something interesting. Right now, one of my roommates is out in the living room on the phone with her boyfriend. She's crying and yelling at him. They've be doing this almost every night since the beginning of the semester. Listening to her just made me realize that I'm really glad to be single right now. I'm not looking for a relationship because I know that God will put that in my life at the right time. I'm just not worried about that. I find this peace to be a relief. For those of you who have known me for a while, I used to be really boy crazy. Up until about this past summer actually. After leaving Cedarville and breaking up with Josh for the 3rd time, boys just didn't seem to matter to me as much. I haven't really taken interest in anyone since then and I'm not really worried about it. This is the one area that I have placed my complete faith in God. Only He knows the who, what, when, and where of that and I'm glad for that.
This is all comforting to me, except for one thing. I wonder why I can totally surrender this area of my life over to my Father, but I hold back everything else. I don't get it. It just seems so easy for me to hand it over and then try to take charge of the rest of my life. I think it's due to a lack of faith. Or maybe because I've tried to take matters into my own hands when it comes to boys so many times before that I just decided I can't do it. But I don't want to screw things up in my life a ton of times before I put total faith in Him. I want to just be able to surrender everything now. And yet, I still hold back. Why is it that I can spend part of my day in class, part of it doing homework and part of it reading/hanging out with friends, but I'm unwilling to spend part of my day with my Father? I HATE that I do it and yet I don't try very hard to change it. I want to change it. I really do. I need help, accountability. I know, from past experience, that I will fail if I try to change on my own. I think I also need to set some goals. What exactly do I want to change, how do I plan on following through, and when will I complete this? That will be my first step, I think. Then I should find someone to keep me accountable.
Well, I should really finish my homework. Then go to bed. I'm exhausted. I think my body is yelling at me for my 20 hour day on Saturday without adequate sleep Saturday or Sunday night.

new beginnings.

Today is my first full day at Penn College. I moved in yesterday and spent the evening unpacking and just resting. My roommates aren't here yet, so it's really quiet in my apartment...I kind of like it like this. This morning I headed over to the bookstore to get the majority of my text books...oh my goodness what a load that was! I had 10 books, a calculator and a knife kit to carry back. I didn't think I was going to make it. Haha. I did make it back and now my books are sitting on my shelf ready to be used. My knife kit was thoroughly inspected, each one taken out and uncovered, turned over and over and admired. Then I discovered that I have an assignment already! That's so insane, but it won't be too hard. I already have part of it finished. Now I'm just sitting here a little bored and a little tired. But that's not a bad thing.
So that this post can be more that a, "this is what I did today" post I'm moving on. This semester holds a lot weight for me. It's a brand new start. New people, new town, new major. It's exciting and scary.
I haven't met my roommates yet, and for whatever reason, I'm absolutely terrified about this event. I keep thinking that they'll hate me or that we won't get along at all. Or maybe they'll be awesome and I'm getting worked up over nothing. I do know of a few other girls who told me I'm more than welcome to hang out with them. So I won't be totally alone this semester. That part was totally God taking care of me. I met the one girl, Sara, in the Residence Life office when I visited in November. I had asked if there was anything I could find a roommate through Campus Crusade. They said I couldn't, but when Sara heard me mention Cru, she turned around and introduced herself. She and her roommate both contacted me on Facebook and the three of us have been talking since then. They have invited me to go to Cru with them and a Bible Study that they go to on Wednesdays. God is good all the time!
For the first time since I started my college career, I'm not worried about my classes. Before I began Graphic Design, I was so worried that I wouldn't be good enough to make it. I felt the same way about Education. This time around, I'm not worried. I'm excited. This must also be God letting me know that I've made the right choice. Peace of mind can only come through Him.
Well friends, I think this is all for now.

Be Blessed. Be a Blessing.